My dear Friend …
Perhaps in the many diverse shakings and trials of the stormy recession of 2009, many things seem to have gone awry for you that have caused you to wonder again and again. “Is all well with me? Am I really saved?” As 2010 is ushered in – you recall acts of indiscretion that hit the headlines or the recent discovery and open publication of shameful misdeeds. Yet, do thank God that you still can find the grace to read a post like this as you ask God “…but why am I thus ? Why did I embrace that desperate and corrupt act that has led to this? Why have I been found to be so weak? …Why am I thus? ”
Indeed, many brethren and trusted loved ones now watch from a safe distance. You are left alone…finally alone with God. But even in His presence, all you seem to discern are doubts singing to you “Were you really of God? Did you ever know Him? Are you His or are you not?”
John Newton (1725 – 1807) was an English Anglican clergyman and former slave-ship captain. He was the author of many great hymns, including “Amazing Grace“. He also wrote several lesser known hymns especially this one which is rarely sung perhaps because it was penned for the person immersed in deep doubts… a situation well familiar to him.
Below are the verses of the hymn titled “’Tis a point I long to know”. I do not recommend this for next Sunday…but rather to hide in your personal repertoire for a time of great need of divine assurance.
1.’Tis a point I long to know,
Oft it causes anxious thoughts;
Do I love the Lord or no?
Am I His or am I not?
2. If in love, why am I thus?
Why this dull and lifeless frame?
Hardly, sure, can they be worse,
Who have never heard his name!
3. Could my heart so hard remain,
Prayer a task and burden prove;
Every trifle give me pain,
If I knew a Saviour’s love?
4. When I turn my eyes within,
All is dark, and vain and wild;
Filled with unbelief and sin,
Can I deem myself a child?
5.If I pray, or hear or read,
Sin is mixed with all I do;
You that love the Lord indeed,
Tell me, Is it thus with you?
6. Yet I mourn my stubborn will,
Find my sin, a grief, and thrall;
Should I grieve for what I feel
If I did not love at all?
7. Could I joy his saints to meet,
Choose the ways I once abhorred,
Find at times, the promise sweet,
If I did not love the Lord?
8.Lord decide the doubtful case!
Thou who art thy people‘s sun;
Shine upon thy work of grace,
If it be indeed begun.
9.Let me love thee more and more,
If I love at all, I pray
If I have not loved before,
Help me to begin today.
2 Corinthians 12 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
Romans 5 Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:  That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord.
My friend, as you repent – find the humility to go to the feet of Jesus for grace and mercy and lay it all before Him. Like it was done for the man who fell amongst thieves, Jesus will unconditionally bind up your wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set you back on your feet and will take care of you – having settled the issues by His blood.
I John 1 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.  If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
Please, do not make the fatal mistake or believe the deception of concealing your sins, pains and many wounds behind another flurry of good charitable activities or attempt to justify yourself with well reasoned responses. Instead, let the blood of Jesus Christ be enough for you…and there is a lot Jesus – the Balm of Gilead – wants to share personally with you to soothe your hurts.
Proverbs 28 He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.
Joel 2 Be glad then, ye children of Zion, and rejoice in the LORD your God: for he hath given you the former rain moderately, and he will cause to come down for you the rain, the former rain, and the latter rain in the first month .  And the floors shall be full of wheat, and the vats shall overflow with wine and oil.  And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpillar, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.  And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.  And ye shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the LORD your God, and none else: and my people shall never be ashamed.
Another hymn writer John Newton wrote in humble confession …
Weak is the effort of my heart – and cold my warmest thought
And when I see thee as thou art – I’ll praise thee as I ought.
Do stop weeping in your private lonely moments….It is well. You will see the merciful Lord who has been waiting for you. You can begin again wherever you are. I cannot explain how this mess will be turned to a message but I know you will yet praise God and testify of His great grace and mercies.
God bless you my friend.
Yours in Christ.